


Repressed

by delimeful



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Captivity, Fear, G/T, Gen, Injury, Panic, Pre-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Self-Hatred, being held against your will, gradually. probably., things are bad but they get better, treating a person as subhuman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 04:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20829350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delimeful/pseuds/delimeful
Summary: “You’re much easier to deal with like this, y’know.” The creative side informed him, a fingertip ruffling his hair hard enough to jostle his entire head. “Cuter, too.”Virgil’s shoulders rose up to his ears to try and ward off the fingers in his space, face hot with humiliation and fury. Still, the words caught in his throat. He’d known that at five inches, the normal-sized Sides would be giant to him, but it was different to have to face that fact head-on. Roman was overwhelming in every sense of the word, and with the Side’s penchant for carelessness, he was wondering if it was even possible to get out of this unscathed.-A pre-AA AU where Virgil shrinks down to five inches when Thomas represses him. This goes badly once the others find out.





	Repressed

Virgil exhaled sharply in frustration, watching as Thomas considered the ongoing auditions despite his continued efforts. Couldn’t the idiot see that going up there would only end in humiliating failure?**  
**

Thomas took another hesitant step forward and Virgil groaned internally, pulling on the villain mask in a practiced motion. He pulled a handful of memories to the forefront of Thomas’ mind, all of them moments where he was unprepared on stage and forgot his lines, stumbling over words and making a fool of himself. 

“You’ll only mess up and get laughed at. You’ll be a campus-wide joke and nobody in this department will ever let you audition for anything ever again. You haven’t even practiced properly.” He ranted, coating every syllable with conviction. He knew it would happen. He could see the potential for disaster after disaster like it was a movie montage in front of his eyes.

Thomas took a deep breath, counting the seconds as he inhaled and exhaled. Virgil swore loudly, but it didn’t stop him from feeling the dreaded and familiar sensation of ice in his veins, freezing him in place. 

“No, no, _no!_ You do _not_ get to ignore me!” He chanted, but Thomas was already running through mental exercises to calm himself down, as though what he was planning to do wasn’t _monumentally stupid- _

Thomas put on a smile, reassured himself that he had prepared and messing up wouldn’t be the end of the world, and continued forwards, shuttering Virgil off from his consciousness completely. His vision blacked out, the icy sensation filling him until he was numb from head to toe. Ignored. Repressed. He bit down on the terror clogging his throat, yet another familiar feeling. He knew what came next, this time.

Sure enough, when his vision cleared, he was back in his room. He sat up slowly, grimacing at the wide bedspread laid out before him. His room was almost devoid of features, empty and dimly lit, nothing familiar or comforting in it. It made sleeping harder, of course, but he had to keep it this way anyhow. His role was the villain’s and he couldn’t afford to show weakness, couldn’t afford to give the other Sides any ammunition to not regard him with respect borne of fear.

Still, he hated it the most when he was stuck like this.

At five inches tall, the bed Virgil was on stretched out wider on all sides than his room would be if he was normal sized. He could barely even see into the dimly lit corners beyond the bed. He contemplated just laying back down, letting his body succumb to the exhaustion he felt until he regained the energy to be present in the mind again. A thought of one of the Light Sides finding him like this was enough to dispel the thought. He was too exposed on the bed, so up he got. 

He trekked along the mattress, feeling the material barely give under his minuscule weight. He was really nothing like this. It just went to show how Thomas viewed him. A nuisance to get rid of, out of sight, out of mind.

Whatever. He realized pretty early on that that was how it was going to be after he got kicked out. He was barely able to do basic things like sinking out these days, cut off from the power he’d had as a Dark Side and still blatantly ignored once he’d been forced into the light. He had to carefully regulate every bit of energy he used in order to keep up his threatening persona.

He couldn’t stop doing what he had been created for, though, and he wouldn’t. Thomas’ safety depended on him, and if playing the villain was what worked, then it was what worked. His feelings didn’t factor into the equation.

Loud footsteps in the hall shook him out of his thoughts, and though he knew nobody was likely to venture into his room, he hurried his pace anyways, prompted by a growing sense of unease.

“Anxiety!” A loud voice called, and in the next moment, his door was swung open, banging into the wall behind it with a loud thud. Virgil yelped, diving for the small mound of pillows at the head of his bed. He twisted around, desperate to make sure he was hidden properly.

Roman stood in the doorway, hands on his hips as he surveyed the room with slight surprise. “I know you’re in here, Sweeney _Odd._ Hiding because you’re so ashamed of your latest failure?” 

Virgil grit his teeth silently. Of course the Prince would come to rub it in. It was probably his arrogance that convinced Thomas to try out in the first place. At this point, he would normally jumpscare the other side and get into a heated argument about what was best for Thomas, inevitably ending with him threatening Roman away from the threshold of his room. 

Of course, normally, Thomas didn’t shut him away this efficiently, and he had his perfectly normal human height to face Roman with. At this size… even looking at the creative side was slightly overwhelming. 

“Hello-o? Earth to Anxiety, I’m trying to gloat, here.” Roman looked around and took a step into the room, breaking his usual rule of remaining firmly in the doorway, and Virgil flinched back despite himself. He froze as the slight rustling of fabric caught the Prince’s attention. His face curled into a sort of apprehensive disgust, and he strode to stand over the bed in a few steps.

“I swear on my sword, Anxiety, if you’re keeping feral rats in here-!”

His muttering cut off as he shoved a pillow aside with a massive hand, and Virgil bolted for the crack between the bed and the wall. A fall from there would hurt like hell in his weakened state, but it would also put a barrier between him and the hateful giant above him. 

“Wh- Hey!” Roman thundered, voice sharp enough to sting his ears. A shadow fell over him, and he rolled to the side, barely missing Roman’s grab. “Hold still!” 

As if. Virgil twisted around to continue running towards his goal, but in the next second, a hand appeared in front of him as a living wall. He ducked away, and realized too late that Roman had predicted the move.

His other hand came down on Virgil and knocked him flat, a smothering weight pressing him into the firm mattress despite his attempts to claw his way out. He wondered for a moment if Roman had even realized that he wasn’t a rat, or particularly cared. If the creative side was just going to increase the pressure until something irreparable snapped.

“Gotcha.” Roman muttered, and plucked him up from the bed with ease. Virgil writhed, but the fingers around him were firm, shifting him around until he was immobilized in a fist. Roman raised him up to eye level, inspecting his find, and Virgil stopped the pointless struggling. He scrambled for his jerk persona, trying to find the right words to regain the power in such a situation. 

“…_Anxiety?_ Is that really you?” Roman asked, opening his hand slightly to roll Virgil onto his back and poke at him, as though checking that he was real. He glowered, swatting ineffectively at the fingertip. He felt like a flipped turtle. 

“Yeah, no shit it’s me.” He snapped back, grateful when his voice barely trembled. “Weren’t you ever taught not to barge in uninvited, Princey?” 

Roman frowned, prodding Virgil sharp enough to make him exhale most of the air in his lungs in a pained whoosh. “That’s rich coming from you, Surly Temple. When have you _ever_ been invited?” 

Virgil mouthed out the beginnings of a retort, but it came out as just a wheeze, still winded from the harsh treatment. Roman’s lips twitched up, smug. 

“You’re much easier to deal with like this, y’know.” The creative side informed him, a fingertip ruffling his hair hard enough to jostle his entire head. “Cuter, too.” 

Virgil’s shoulders rose up to his ears to try and ward off the fingers in his space, face hot with humiliation and fury. Still, the words caught in his throat. He’d known that at five inches, the normal-sized Sides would be giant to him, but it was different to have to face that fact head-on. Roman was overwhelming in every sense of the word, and with the Side’s penchant for carelessness, he was wondering if it was even possible to get out of this unscathed. 

Speaking of which, Roman’s grip was tightening slightly, and Virgil felt the heartbeat around him pick up its pace. His head jerked up to meet Roman’s eyes, noting the shadow that was forming under them, and the motion didn’t go unnoticed. Roman dragged his free hand over his face, inspecting his fingertips and finding the smeared dark eyeshadow on them. He rolled his eyes. 

“Ugh, this place.” He shuddered dramatically, and then in four simple steps, he was out the open door. With Virgil still clasped in his hand.

He jerked as he felt the power of his room slip away from him, leaving him unable to regenerate the energy to return to his normal size. Now, he didn’t even have the power to get rid of the bruises forming on his torso. He twisted in Roman’s grip. “No, _no!_ Put me back, right now!”

Roman snorted, closing the door behind him and then pulling Virgil’s hoodie roughly over his head to muffle his protests. “I don’t think so, Dark and Stormy. This is too priceless for the others to miss.” 

Virgil’s heart seemed to stutter, blood roaring in his ears at the idea of all three of them seeing him like this. Weak. Helpless. He spoke again, words coming out fragmented and near-incoherent, but Roman didn’t even seem to be paying attention, a thumb pressing against Virgil’s side absently as he descended the stairs.

“Logan!” Roman said, gleeful, and cupped his hand over the parts of Virgil that were visible, enclosing him in sweaty darkness. Virgil felt nauseous with fear, pressing pointlessly against the gaps of his enclosure. Of course Roman would immediately run into the most intimidating Side of the Light Side lot, the one whispered about by Dark Sides. Logic. 

“Roman.” Logan responded, voice dry. Roman remained undeterred. 

“Is Patton around?” He asked, jumping the last few steps to the commons floor. Virgil felt a muted squeak squeeze out of his windpipe at the sudden, terrifying motion. 

“Not at the moment. He’s helping Thomas, though he should reappear in his room if you’d like to wait there.” Logan’s tone seemed to imply his hope for that outcome. 

“Nah, I’ll just show you first.” Roman responded, and before Virgil had a chance to prepare himself, the hands above him opened into cupped palms, Roman revealing him like a child showing off a prized insect to a parent. He certainly felt as insignificant as a bug at the moment.

Logan peered down, eyebrows raised slightly at the sight of him. “You have… animated a miniature version of Anxiety? Your dollwork has improved, though I’m sure Patton will disapprove if you use it for voodoo.”

Roman wrinkled his nose. “What? No, this is the actual Anxiety. I found him like this in his room.” 

‘Found’ was one way to put it. Virgil rolled to his hands and knees, grateful when Roman didn’t attempt to nudge him back into that splayed position, and scowled at the hand beneath him. He struggled to speak, his voice giving a few false starts.

“Yeah, and I’d appreciate it if you’d put me _back_ in my room, you clueless moron.” He finally managed to bite out, unable to keep from flinching when Roman’s fingers twitched in response. 

However, when fingers suddenly pinched around his torso, lifting him up with a strangled yell, both of Roman’s hands were still cupped beneath him. He froze as he came face to face with Logan, the logical side holding him up with his legs curled between the pointer and thumb of one hand, and his chest and back held in place by the other. It was certainly a more secure hold than the loose fist Roman seemed to prefer, but Logan’s analyzing gaze made him break into a cold sweat. 

“Fascinating.” Logan muttered, his fingers sliding to the side until he had one of Virgil’s arms pressed between his fingertips. Virgil felt his bravery crumbling, watching most of his arm be completely concealed by such a tiny part of Logan. 

“Way to sound like a creepy mad scientist, Specs.” Roman said, settling onto the couch next to the chair Logan was sitting in. He was watching Virgil curiously, fingers drumming as though he wasn’t sure what to do with them anymore. 

“How did you enter this state?” Logan asked, not refuting the mad scientist jab at all. Virgil wondered if what Remus had told him about Logic dissecting people had been true after all. “Anxiety?” 

Virgil scowled, tugging lightly on his captured arm. “None of your business.” 

Logan hummed, releasing the pinching hold on the tiny Side’s arm to loop his fingers around his chest once more. Before Virgil could feel relieved, he saw the lenses of Logan’s glasses flare with holographic displays, facts and figures running through them too fast for him to decipher.

“At the auditions this afternoon. You acted up, and Thomas utilized some of Lily’s tactics to suppress your influence and proceed normally.” Logan stated, and Virgil swallowed thickly, feeling as though he would begin to hyperventilate if this went on much longer. Roman perked up, listening in as Logan continued. “Can I extrapolate that this is the result of that suppression?”

Virgil bit the inside of his cheek for a long moment before acknowledging that lying was pointless. He jerked his head once. “Yeah. Congrats, mystery solved. Now will you put me down, already?”

Logan stared at him consideringly and then glanced to the side. “I suppose.” 

In the next moment, he was moved quickly through the air and then deposited back into Roman’s hands.

“_Not._ What I meant.” He gritted out as the fingers curled up around him again. 

Logan sighed. “I assumed you didn’t want to walk all the way back to your room yourself. Roman can take you.”

Virgil wanted to snap that he’d take a twenty-mile hike over being stuck in a pair of hands for another minute, but Roman responded first. “I can…” 

He hesitated for a moment, and then nodded to himself once. “I can, but I don’t think I will.” 

Terror chilled him all over again. To the side, Logan tilted his head, brow furrowed and simple curiosity in his eyes at the prospect. “Why not?” 

Roman pinched the back of Virgil’s hoodie and lifted him up into the air in front of Logan, forcing the tiny Side to cross his arms to keep from slipping out of the article completely. “Hey!” 

“Because,” Roman said, ignoring his kicking legs and complaints, “if this is what happens to him when Thomas calms himself down, then all we have to do… is keep him like this. He’s harmless. Boom, Anxiety can’t hinder Thomas anymore.”

“What?” Virgil asked, shocked, so soft the other two didn’t seem to even hear it. He stilled completely, still swinging precariously in the grip. Almost worse than the idea Roman had proposed was the fact that he had a front row seat to watch Logan _actually consider it_.

“That could have unforeseen side effects on Thomas.” He finally said, and Virgil got to take one short, choppy breath of relief before Roman yanked the rug out from under him. 

“Oh, but that’s the best part! We can monitor Thomas, like… like an experiment! And if it seems like for whatever reason, this is hurting Thomas? We can simply put him back to normal.” Roman offered, genuine excitement coloring his tone.

Logan hummed, eyes alight. “I suppose that does make sense. An experiment…”

“What?” Virgil said, this time almost shouting the word, as though it was his last possible appeal for freedom. Maybe it was. “You can’t be serious- You can’t just leave me stuck like this!”

“I’m always serious.” Logan responded with an automatic gesture to his tie, mind elsewhere. Roman turned Virgil to face him, rolling his eyes as though Virgil was being ridiculous. 

“Oh, relax, Count Woe-laf. We won’t leave you stuck all alone to fend for yourself. After all, I certainly don’t want to have to watch where I step every moment of every day.” Roman said, joking tone contrasting heavily with the sickening feeling in Virgil’s gut. 

“In order to keep him from making his way back to his room and returning to normal, we’ll likely have to keep an eye on him.” Logan added, hand lifted to his chin in consideration. “A secure temporary living space would be best. We can inform Patton about it once we see how things go during the initial weeks.”

Roman grimaced. “Yeah… I love the little puffball, but he’s too easily swayed by emotion, even for Dark Sides.” He punctuated the phrase by tossing Virgil up slightly in order to catch him in a fist again. Virgil yelped, felt bile in the back of his throat, static in his ears and panic swelling in his chest. 

“In that case, I can take him.” Logan said, holding a hand out. Roman drew back, cradling Virgil against his chest as though he was safeguarding the last jar of Crofters. As though Virgil was a rare prize rather than a person.

“What? No, I want to take him. He’s much more fun like this, you’ll bore him to death.” 

Logan’s eyebrow twitched, and he exhaled mutedly. “Why don’t we just ask Anxiety who he wants to stay with, then?” 

Roman groaned, opening his hand a bit. “Ugh, no fair! It’s obvious who he’d choose.” 

“That’s no fault of mine.” Logan sniffed, looking down at Virgil expectantly. “Well?” 

He gaped for a moment, speechless. In the span of under five minutes, they’d decided that he was better for Thomas like this, and that they would ‘look after’ him as though he was nothing more than some… some mindless _pet_. Fury blazed in him suddenly, hot and reckless. 

“You’re seriously asking me which one of you I’d rather have as my fucking _captor?_” He yelled, incredulity and anger intertwining in his voice. “Neither, idiots! Let me GO.”

Roman scoffed, jostling him, but Logan was the one to speak. “Maybe we could afford to do so, if you’d make an oath to cease working against us and making Thomas’ life so difficult.”

Virgil recoiled, glaring despite the hot pressure behind his eyes. He was scared, he was so fucking scared, but he couldn’t leave Thomas alone. Couldn’t be bound by such an oath to be a bystander, not when Thomas’s happiness or life could be put in danger as a result. Even if it meant being stuck like this.

“Or if you’re so opposed to the idea, just go back to the Subconscious with the rest of the Dark Sides, already.” Roman suggested, frowning down at him. “Thomas clearly doesn’t want you here.” _We don’t want you here,_ went unsaid.

Nobody wanted him anywhere. He was locked out of the Subconscious for daring to affect Thomas in such a direct, straightforward way. He was distrusted by the conscious aspects of Thomas for affecting Thomas at all. There was no winning.

“I can’t go back.” He managed to choke out harshly, as though what he said would make a difference. Roman sighed loudly, and Logan nodded, as though he expected as much from Anxiety. 

“In that case, we can simply trade off who watches him.” He suggested, gaining a reluctant agreement from the creative side. 

“Fine, but I get first watch!” 

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, and Roman took it as the concession it was. He stood, dusting himself off and then making his way back to his own room. 

In his hand, Virgil exhaled shakily, trying to calm himself down. He couldn’t afford to freak out. He just had to wait until Roman let his guard down, and then get out, no matter what it took. 

It was that easy. It had to be that easy.

**Author's Note:**

> For more content in this AU, I have an ask blog set up on tumblr at @suppressedanxiety! Stop by and shoot me an ask :)


End file.
